4:06PM

I'm ready to move. i have a toothache. fuck JT

9:25PM

i don't feel like i belong anywhere right now. i feel like an inconvience to anyone that might posibly give me a ride to hang out. its funny because i drove everyone around for years. but noone calls...or messages. the only love i feel is from my friends in chicago. who still talk to me.(some of them) perhaps i''m feeling sorry for myself. i have a lump on the side of my head that feels like a bruise. but i havent hit my head. worried? not really. not everyday can feel like a bright and promising one. i'll just go to bed early and sleep this one away. the press works splendid. thats a highlight. theres plenty to do this week for halloween. should be fun? JT

2:45 AM

WIthout distractions i feel confident that next year will be the best year so far. I made four screens today the press should be here tomorrow. ready to get this ball rolling. i have to reopen a bank account tomorrow. and then get a site to sell my stuff from. i need a sewing machine. list of needs: transport(bike/car) Job(call me WFM) Savings NYC SHIRTS SHIRTS SHIRTS!!!! people who are interested in my art time to jerk it and go to bed. JT

9:53PM

anticipation, waiting for the call. i need this . life is a series of hurry up and waits discouragement has been displaced. anxiety still slight depression not so much. i'm confident that i can get myself together in six months. things will be different next time. i cant help but be slightly excited. building towards a new life. JT

1:38AM

Remember the time i was insane. and i don't mean emokid "oh i'm crazy and depressed boohoo" i mean i'm fucking crazy. like fucked in the head. i'm bipolar as fuck i should really check myself into a clinic. but god damn it sure makes me creative as fuck. i dropped 100 bucks today on printing supplies. this is the real deal. i'm serious. about moving and getting my shit together. next time there should be white gold involved. go to sleep. JT

7:39 PM

i love it when someone thinks they're the coolest and the best. it makes me dislike them. i'm not going to fight for something that isn't mine. what would be the point? i'm arriving at the point where i'm glad i left chicago. i did it to get away from being in a fucked up retarded situation. i feel relief and burdens lifted. i'm in no rush to be commited to anything. JT

5:51PM

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9:40 PM

Anxious. Melodramatic. I sit and think non-stop i got my last paycheck today. its enough to start a printing barage. i'm excited. i need a fucking bike,i feel rediculously lazy. missing chicago more and more. the people,the terrain,the bars and the routine. you don't realize what you have until to give it all up. God damn it. i recite the same thing in my head "you did the right thing" i need a drink. or six a shot of whiskey and a beer would feel nice. Tomorrow is the interview,it will make or brake my stay here in the butthole of america. i'm excited for december. although i hate the holidays. time for television and mind numbing. six more cigarettes and bed time. another adventure awaits me tomorrow. JT

October.

You awake from a fucked up dream. Looking around grabbing the phone by your bed. 11:45AM "God damn it!!!" "I hate to sleep late" The last year of Life has been a blur. A Fantastic Mind numbing blur. A ghost still huants my dreams. It seems like i'm never finished loving someone and then It Ends. But i have a tendency to be insane and usually drive them away,or with my love of self sabotage i commit self love suicide. i dreambt she killed herself last night. it was horrible. but then the dream turned out that it was only rumor that she killed herself and i met her again in another city. we fell in love and were complicated like we have always been. that dream made me crazy. so i wake up in a house in a city that i am all too familiar with. A wave of boredom and anxiety flood my brain. It is slowly subsided with a smoke and some fresh air. why did i come back here? to get my act together,to plan,to fuck,to live and to run away again. i feel unlike i ever have before.i feel confident. ready to make my art alive. never have i felt confident in my artistic ability until now. i give myself six months to stay here. then i will once again find a city to call home. soon enough. JT